نَوَتِ الرَّحِيْلَ ,،

على أوّلِ مقعَدٍ خالٍ وقعَت عليه عيناها جلسَت و قاوَمت رَغبةَ النَّظر للوراء  ، مقصورةٌ شبه خالية ، بضعة أشخاص كُلِّ منهُم مشغولٌ بأفكارِهِ الخاصّة و يزداد الجوِّ كآبة  لحظة بـ لحظة . صمتٌ ثقيلٌ طغى على كُل شيء حتى بدى لها أن المَكان شديد الضَوضاء. تُحدِّق في الأرض مُحاوِلةً دفع التردد و تحتَضِنُ حقيبةً جمَعَت بِها قطع ثيابٍ قديمة و أوراق سُطِّرت علَيها كلِماتٌ ناضَلت لإعلان نفسِها و في مكان ما ارتمى قلَمٌ يحتَضِر. أرادَت الابتِعادَ قدر الإمكان .. الهُروبَ مِن ماضٍ لاحَقها كـ شَبَحِ فتاةٍ لن تكونَها بعدَ الآن. لم تهتم إلى أين ستَقودُها رِحلَتُها، لم تكترث لحقيقة أن أغلب الأمور التي قامت بها دون تخطيط مُسبَق سببت لها جروحاً لم تلتَئِم بعد. وحيدةً كانت و لن تَكون.. بِداية جَديدة دُون أن يَنتهي ماضِيها بالضّرورة. لن تُخفي ما في قلبها بعد هذه اللحظة ، سترفَعُ عينيها عن الأرض و ستُواجِه، لكن لا .. ليسَ هُنا ، ليسَ حيثُ فشِلَت في الحِفاظِ على بقايا قلبٍ مُتمزِّق . لم تعتَبِرهُ هُروباً من الواقِع.. لم تَعُد تحتَمِلُ ذاكَ الذّل .
هِيَ فَقط .. نَوَتِ الرَّحِيل ,،

Her

I don't like writing about people, but I kinda felt I have to write this.

I know you'll never read it, but I don't really care.

You might think I just got over the whole thing, but I didn't.. we were close enough to guarantee that we'll never forget about each other. I don't know if you still care, I don't. But I can honestly say that I think about you every single day, sometimes I even wish we're still friends. but I just push these thoughts away. I don't hate you, when I told you that I forgave you I didn't lie.. why would I? But when you said that you truly believe that nothing will separate us, I lied.. I said I feel the same while I didn't... sorry for that. At that moment I couldn't imagine my life without you. But now I can, it's easier than I though. Less drama & less tears. You wanna know why did I end our friendship? it's not because I hated you, as I said I DID forgive you, it's because I didn't wanna relive the whole thing again. I didn't wan't you to lie.

I admit it, I've been watching you for a long time after that happened. I don't do that anymore, because I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself from talking to you again.

I don't hold a grudge towards anyone, really. I was mad at the beginning, because you were the last person I thought'd ever do that. I've noticed you reveled a lot of things after, I won't ask why. I don't wanna know  .

I just want you to know. I've spent some of the most amazing days of my life with you. Even if we don't mean the same to each other anymore, that won't ruin the memories.

Thank you, for teaching me how to put boundaries, for teaching me that leaving things on the side of the road is easier than it seems. Thank you for all the amazing times, for all the laughs we laughed together & for all the tears we shed together.

Random.

 

I miss rain, it rained only a few times this year in the country I live in  .. I'm not complaining but I just miss it. I'm listening to the sound of rain right now, it really cheers me up, I feel like it takes all the pain away, cleans my heart, I kind of forget about reality when it rains.I'm not saying that I'm suffering though. It's just life.. we gotta live it. whether it's the way we want it to be or not. But we have to try to make thing right.. we have the right to.

It's spring, I love it .. maybe because I was born at the end of it. or maybe because of my name.  To me, spring is always connected somehow to happiness and freedom. I love winter but spring has been always my favorite season.

I'm not so into being a night person, neither a day one. but I prefer staying up at night, staring at the sky, knowing that someone up there is watching me. I believe in god & that he'll never let me down if I'll keep my faith in him strong enough. I usually write at night .. darkness inspires me. & even when my room's light is turned on, the feeling is just different. I don't know if it's safety or what .. but I feel that I just can't lie to my self at night. I question my self at night because that's when my words are really honest.

The past, I hate living n the past, but I'm so obsessed with memories to be honest. Some of them make me smile & others bring tears to my eyes. I try not to regret & I don't most of the time. My biggest regret is trusting people a lot and fast. I'm not asking for anything in return I just want you to prove that you were worth it. 

just talking about random things :)

GN & sweet dreams (f)

VPW

thoughts ,،

Sometimes I wonder if  I exist .. if the whole thing is real , or just a dream ..

what if our dreams were actually the real part of the whole thing ? 

how can we be sure about that ?, our dreams quire as much breaths & strength as the life that we call reality.

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what about having the ability to fly ? won't that be just amazing ? imagine the freedom we'll get .. there'll be no boundaries , we'll be able to go anywhere .. well, nearly everywhere .

but don't you think the government might simply put us in huge cages? would they let us go? I don't think so .. a lot of freedom might be dangerous more than being amazing, if we look beyond the first few times & the happiness that we shall get when we'd fly..won't the ground be abandoned? who'd walk while having the ability of flying ? no one.

but I admit it .. I've always wanted to fly .

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why are lots of people  afraid of the phrase "what if " ? 

is it a fear of the unknown ? what if the future was known ? would it still matter .. who's right or who's wrong .. I guess our mistakes won't be a big deal 'cos everyone'd know we were going to make them .. would they still get mad at us ? I guess so .. they might get mad even before anything actually happens .. we'll be judged on every breath we take .. 

I guess knowing the future isn't as good as some people wish .. 

P.S : Happy International Women's Day :) 

VPW

على ذاك الرّف ,،

تُسرع خُطواتها مع اقترابِها مِن مكانٍ عَشِقَتهُ مُنذُ الأزَل ، تَدفَعُ الباب الخَشَبيّ برِقَّة و تَدخُل .. تمتَلئ رِئتاها برائحة الخَشَب العتيق و تبدأ عيناها بالتسابُق بينَ الرُفوفِ بحثاً عن رفيقٍ يؤنِس وحدَتها .. عن صديق يُساعِدُها على إضاعة وقتِها الضائِع أساساً ، و ما لَها غير ذلك ؟ تتعَلَّقُ عيناها بِغِلافٍ أسوَدَ يعلوه الغُبار ، تَرفَعه بحنانِ أمّ تحمِل مولودها الأوَّل و تَفتَحُه دون أدنى اهتمامٍ بـ عُنوانِه . ترتعِش يداها بينَما تَقرأُ الكلمات و تَهتَزُّ روحُها  لـتُصبِحَ جُزءاً مِن ذاك المَكان السّاحِر . تَشعُر بـ حنين لمَكانٍ لم يَسبِق لها حتى السماع عنه ، و ماذا في ذلك ؟ تتسارع نبضاتها و يبكي قَلبُها دماً قَبل عَيْنيها . فَهِي كـ كُلّ شيءٍ هُنا .. مُهجورةٌ على رَفٍّ في نِهايةٍ ممرٍ مُظلِم .. شتاتٌ قلبٍ مُبعثرة في الغياهِب .. تآكلت أحاسيسُها بـ مُرور الزّمن و اصفَرّت أوراقُها .. تَحوَّلت مِن حجرٍ صُلبٍ إلى بقايا هشّة لإنسان.. و لا تَزالُ هناكَ آمِلة بأن يأتي أحَدُ و يَنفِضَ عنها ذاك الغُبار الذي أخفى ملامِحاً وُجِدت يوماً .. 

VPW

,،

تمضي الأيامُ و ما زِلنا كما نَحن ، كُلٌّ يتوَقّع مِن الآخر أخذ الخُطوة الأولى ,،