Can I ?

Have you ever wondered how does your life look like from the outside ?
How much does it show of you, of who you really are ?
I started thinking about it lately, not only about mine, but about other people's lives too. I never judge anyone on appearance, but sometimes I just feel uncomfortable so I try to avoid a person in order not to make things awkward. Maybe that's why I'm almost never understood, I'm lucky to have some friends who actually care about me, & I really try my best not to hurt them.. but I can never know.

Some times I just have the need to be left alone, not because I'm pissed off or mad .. it's just that I need time to figure out things in my life.And sometimes I'm just sick of all the drama people like to cause ! Why was I stupid enough to trust? I have no idea but I'm sure that we lost it all. who are "we" ? well, it depends on your definition of it. Just some friend who gave up on me, friends whom I don't need in my life no more. That's if I can call them "Friends" .. I don't think so.

I've decided to move on away from the past .. I've decided to become the best I could ever be. I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I might just say "Ok" but I don't promise to do what you want. I'm not sure if I know what I'm doing. But I won't stop being me,  I really miss the "ME" in who I am. I want her to control me again & not you.

I wanna erase the idea of running away. I've talked about going to a place where no one knows me, I still want to but I don't wanna run away ! I wish I could just face everything, but I guess I'm too afraid to. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life running away.. I don't wanna be a walking dead ! I just wanna breathe & feel the blood going through my veins without wondering if I'm worth it. I wanna feel summer's breeze like I once did. I even wanna feel cold ! it's not that I don't feel anymore. I just have mixed feelings .. don't know if  I can trust my senses anymore ,,

VPW